This is my first blog for the New Year!!!!! I have to say, it feels good to write again. It feels great to share my thoughts, and enter a realm of intimacy with whomever reads this blog. Before the end of 2010, everyone declared that this new year would be a time of self discovery, new beginnings, and a time of harvest. I believe that with all of my heart, but HOW IN THE WORLD DO I TAP INTO THAT? After 22 years of fustrations, hurtful words, and disappointments,how can I possibly tap into living my life to the fullest. How can I live the way I want to live, especially with LIMITED FINANCES.
It makes me wonder, am I dependng material possesions to live the life I want to live, or am I not using what God has already blessed me with. I begin to believe all the hurtful words I have heard about myself over the years, and they really have taken a toll on my. Can I possibly continue to live my life in fear of rejection and inadequacy. Or should I live it with no reservations. I want the fab life, the glam life, the blessed life, the life that I can be proud to wake up and live every morning....but for some reason, I feel that maybe I am not happy because I havent moved away from the famliar. I am ready to step out, and live life without any reservations. I am ready to make some things happen...the thing is I dont know those things. Truth is I dont tap, sing, or fall into the category of an artist. However, I'm ready to find out what exactly it is I am supposed to be living for.
I am a christian, and I LOVE THE LORD. I know he doesnt want me to live a dull boring life, so what is that feeling in my chest that makes me want to run away from life and everybody. I know its not gas, or maybe my heart is protecting me from the hurt that I may encounter. I view all of these celebrities whom praise God, and live their life to the fullest. I want to find my purpose and enjoy my purpose. Sometimes I feel that my future career goal as a doctor will cause me to compromise my social life and force me into a hole of sadness. The fulfillment is in saving lives, but sometimes I wonder is that enough.
I want to travel and see the world. I would love to articulate my life's message through the tip of my pen in a manuscript for my up and coming book. I believe that all of these failed attempts at my major happened for reason, but where is it pushing me. I want to put behind all of my mistakes, and say that I learned and became a better person.
I also want to be the life of the party, and the source behind the scene. You see the key in all of this is that I want to BE. I dont feel as if I'm living right now. I have everything I can ask for. My bills are paid, I have a wonderful boyfriend, caring and loving friends, but what is it that is holding my back. I dont want to abandon what I know, and I'm afraid once I do, I might step out of God's will for me, and we all know that isn't the way to go.....So then how do I live....I DONT KNOW.....I need to take a leap of faith and trust that God has a plan for me. I dont want to look back on my twenties and say that I missed out because of my fears. Sometimes you want it all, and are tired of wondering why you dont have it all. Maybe I need to use what God gave me, and percieve it as a blessing. My problems next to the problems of another, dont even compare. Im ready to be creative and today is a brand new chapter. I'm ready to live!!!!!!!!!!
I have spent the past twenty-four hours exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!! I just took a calculus exam today, and two exams tomorrow: physics and chemistry. How can I keep healthy when, I never get sleep. Last night I had a Monster Hitman Energy Shooter. I know they are terrible, but for real, it hit me like crack! I had just enough energy to get through the night, and study for my exam. I think I will take another one tonight. (I'll have to sneak one, cause my roomate will kill me if she sees me drinking that, ITS FORBIDDEN!!!!) Lately, I have been learning to persevere. I have come to the realization the primary reason I quit all the time, is because I never want to persevere. When things get to tough, I quit, and make up a lame excuse. I blame everything and everyone, but myself. I have to learn how to be committed, and press my way through to the end. In all of lifes situaitons, those whom are dilligent will be rewarded. A fool, just gives up. Changing my character one step at a time, perseverance is a priority.
Wow! Yesterday, was just a long day. I felt a bit stressed. However, I failed to realized that when things dont turn out your way, its just because all things are working for your favor. I realized that my ways, arent always the best ways. That is why I have to trust and depend on God. Today, I sat here and I thought about my weight. I realized that as a lady, I have to want the best for myself. That means wanting myself to be in the best shape of my life. I want it not only for myself, but for my family. I have to care about myself enough, to stop my negative habits( such as eating late). I have to love myself enough, to take that extra step. The problem is, Im just learning to love myself(truly). So I hope the next weigh in, is as good as the one before. Good night, God Bless you always
P.S. Also, Lexi you need to help me fix my page. I am technologically challenged. Ill be home next week March 30th, we should meet later on that week. Have lunch.
OMG!!! I broke my blogging vow. I was supposed to blog everyday for a month, and I definitely forgot to blog yesterday. I am trying though, so I guess I can give myself a pat on the back. Well, good news today, I lost 4 pounds from last week. I am so happy. I now weigh 262 lbs. I am very happy, and grateful. I just want to tell the Lord thank you, for constantly sending motivation my way throughout the week. I was hoping, that when I did my weigh in, that I would just lose one pound. However, I lost a whopping, four pounds!!!!!!! Oh, the excitement. I just finished my homework on time, and I have a job interview tomorrow. God is just so good in my life.....Amen....Now all I need is to pass my three exams this week...Is anyone good with physics? lol God Bless
Life Lesson Learned Today: Worship, God in all your circumstances. He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all else. He will never leave nor forsake you. Good Night.
I thought, that I would thoroughly blog today. Buf I just have one question( to anyone that is reading ), When it comes to weight-loss, where does your motivation come from? What is the drive that keeps you going ?